Eric's Choice

Most know that my twenty-two year old son, Eric, is dying from hospital error due to his brain aneurysm. I feel a million different emotions raging inside of me. I’m going to attempt to share my inner most feelings with you, not for your sympathy, I don’t want that, but for those who have been or may be where I am, I want you to know I understand. For those that will never be in this position I want you to understand that this is not an easy road, nor does it grant easy choices.

I’ve learned a lot about myself and others through this process.

Yesterday, my forty-eight hours were up. I was supposed to make the decision to end Eric’s life after that time period. I’ve thought long and hard about making this decision. I have thought about it since May 7^th when it first happened. I never let go of the fear of having to make that decision.

I told myself that I would donate every organ I could, because he was young and healthy and he could provide life to others, he could provide sight to the blind, and I liked knowing someone else could live and thrive because of Eric. I told myself that somehow it gave Eric’s life, and death, meaning.

I was promised by the leading neurologist that Eric wouldn’t live until May 22^nd. I was told that his brain was going to explode through the stitches and it would bust out of the area that is missing skull. His intracranial pressures were through the roof and they couldn’t bring them down. With this thought in mind, I made myself believe that organ donation was a perfect route. He would die from brain death.

Eric did live and never broke through the stitches in his head, though his cranial pressure is still very high and he is somewhat disfigured from the swelling, he is still breathing above the vent.

I felt the pressure from the hospital growing. They wanted me to do comfort care. “Let him go with a dignified death.”

Those words rang over and over in my head. There was nothing dignified in what the hospital did to him and they are solely responsible for Eric’s current condition. They don’t even try to deny or hide that fact. Now, I should give him comfort care. I am expected to pull a ventilator on my child that is still breathing; as he breathes they administer more and more morphine until he goes into cardiac arrest. We lose his heart for donation because of the cardiac arrest that they cause, but they can still harvest the rest of his organs. “It’s the humane thing to do.”

I’ve heard all the comments that make me sound like a loving and selfless hero. Those kind words began to feel abrasive. It wasn’t and isn’t true. I am not a hero because I am willing to donate organs. I am not selfless because I’m willing to “part out” my son. Actually, the raw and bitter truth is probably the most selfish thing I’ve ever done in my life. I am not donating because I’m so good hearted I am sacrificing Eric’s organs to give life to the less fortunate. My truth is I am donating those organs, if I can, because I DON’T WANT ERIC TO DIE and if I can keep him, or pieces of him, alive in another host then he isn’t gone, he isn’t dead. So please, I’m no saint.

Yesterday I came to terms, being faced with ending his life. I thought out “dignified” death. This is what I believe:

Every life form, at the time of distinction does everything possible to maintain survival. Eric wouldn’t be any different.

In my mind, though I know he never wanted to live as a vegetable, he is locked in his failing body. He has had no choices. Fate made choices, doctor’s made choices, I made choices, but Eric’s voice is unable to be heard.

My choices remain: 1) Pull the ventilator and let him go into cardiac arrest eventually, after they drug him so he doesn’t feel the pain and torture of suffocation. With that, we lose the heart for donation, but all of his other organs can be donated. 2) We wait for the next stroke that will take out the brain stem so he will go brain dead and then we can “harvest” his heart along with his other organs. 3) Because his body is deteriorating, let him go into his own cardiac arrest and we lose all the organs and he is gone, no donations.

Because I have dealt with many, many hurtful and close deaths I have whispered “I love you, let go, be free” into many ears. I said those words with great love and acceptance of my personal loss, but it was never my son.

I have spent Eric’s twenty-two years, kissing booboos, scaring away monsters, and making things better. I can’t say the words “let go it’s okay to leave.” I can’t give my son the permission he may be waiting for because I see the scared little boy, the one waiting on me to make it better, to fix it, to fix him, and I know he will be so afraid if he knows I’m giving up on him. I wouldn’t. He knows that.  I can tell him I love him, but I can’t and won’t end his life with his last though of his mom being the one that ended his life. I believe he would be screaming, “No, mom, what are you doing, I said three months, please mom, don’t do this, why are you doing this to me.”

My opposition argues with me, they want the organ donation; they want a dignified death for Eric. They believe he would be screaming to put him out of his misery, but life, in its rawest forms fights to preserve itself and Eric wouldn’t be any different.

I have given the word “dignity” a lot of thought. Dignified death? Is death, brought on by man dignified? Is death, by the hand of family or medical personal dignified? What is dignified death?

Death is death. Just because we have the technology to end a life, do we have the right to do so? Do we have the right to put someone into eternal sleep because the costs have gotten too high or the family can’t handle any more traumas? Is that what we as a people have told ourselves; it’s humane, let them go with dignity because ending someone’s life is more convenient and cheaper than the alternative? I don’t think that is dignity.

Dignity to me is accepting fate with honor.

So, no matter how selfish I am in wanting Eric to live on, no matter how much he is costing me, my family, or the hospitals, I am granting Eric his own say. I am backing off. Eric is in control of his own death. I do not have the right to take his life, nor does anyone else. I do not have the right to farm out his organs. This one is Eric’s call.

I believe, no matter how bad I would wish for Eric to live on in others, that Eric will die as Eric chooses and through that death he is living out his fate. The death his fate chooses will tell me if I can donate organs. If he goes brain dead Eric is telling us to take what we need to save others. If he goes via cardiac arrest and we lose the ability to donate any organs, so be it, it is his way of saying: “I’m out and I’m taking me with me.”

I am backing off and allowing Eric to complete his life, his way, and to me that is dignity.

Thanks for listening,

Eric’s Mom.

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Eric Update

 

As many of you know, my son, Eric Cook, had a brain aneurysm on May 7. After the aneurysm, Eric showed great signs of improvement. He could move every limb, he cried as he squeezed his sister and a friend’s hand, in unison. He danced on command. We knew he was in there. We knew he was alive. He was so alive, the nurse showed tears and told us that he was moving on command so well she was having fun with it even when we weren’t in the room.

The aneurysm was coiled and he was in very critical condition with all odds against him, but daily I was told every day is progress. Every day he was alive was significant. He had a wonderful doctor from Detroit Medical Center, who I could trust. The Oakwood doctors, well, they are Oakwood doctors, and if you know Oakwood Hospital, enough said.

It was banged into our heads that Eric’s age was his number one issue against him, his brain didn’t have the room to swell, but if we could keep him alive through the critical moments, his age would be his biggest asset. Young brains can rewire themselves and do miracles with time. Time and time again I was told that you couldn’t give prognosis to the damage of a young brain.

In the beginning, we were told Eric had a stroke with right side damage. The stroke was a part of the aneurysm; it was due to the blood on the brain from the break.

The attitude from Oakwood Neurology was horrendous. They wore their God Complexes openly as if they earned their right to play the role. The mistakes seemed to manifest with poor quality health care and pompousness, but in the end, they continuously passed the buck, unable to take responsibility for their own actions, or inactions. The only person I could count on was our genius, the doctor that saved Eric’s life, but I can’t expose her at this time. She wasn’t an Oakwood staff doctor.

I watched as Eric in Neurology told our ICU nurse not to take intracranial pressure readings because he thought the transducer was plugged with clogged blood and didn’t want to change the tubing. He told her, at about 8 p.m. not to chart the pressures because Eric was going for angioplasty for vasospasm at 5a.m and “they could deal with it.” That one action gave birth to a stroke, still affecting only the right side, but it was a serious error typical of Oakwood.

It was because of this stroke that our little genius had him pulled from Oakwood. She tried to get him into DMC, but there weren’t any beds available. She assured me that Henry Ford was far more capable and she felt comfortable with it. I agreed.

Eric was doing wonderfully. He was opening his eyes. I didn’t see it, I wasn’t there during the neurologic tests, but the nurses were very happy about his stability. Still in critical condition, he was termed “very stable.” I was told that it was very early into Eric’s condition to be opening his eyes, especially after the latest stroke. I felt confident with the progress and believed they had a grip on Eric’s condition. He was progressing and that is the best we had for the situation. I liked very stable with opening his eyes.

Eric was still in vasospasm which is a collapsing of the vessels in the brain due to excess fluids and the blood that had settled from the bleed. He had already had one angioplasty, by the genius, and it went very well. At Henry Ford, his numbers were still “very stable, nowhere near what they were at Oakwood.” His intracranial pressures were between 8 and 10 which were very good.

I received a call at about 8 p.m. on May 16, asking permission to perform this very standard and simple procedure. I was reassured from of the information in the above paragraph. I felt confident as I was assured how incredibly stable Eric was and how simple the procedure was.

Time ticked and I felt it was taking too long. My daughter said it wasn’t much different than the first angioplasty. At 12:06 a.m. on May 17, six minutes into Eric’s 22^nd birthday, the phone rang. The man could bearly speak. He was in tears. He was shaken. His first words were: “It’s bad, it’s very bad.” My heart dropped, but I had to keep my composure. I was expecting him to tell me they lost Eric on the table.

“The only thing good thing is he didn’t die on the table.” The man cried.

“What happened?”

“I blew the balloon up in his head. I did this. I am so sorry. He was doing so good. He was opening his eyes and everything. He was doing so good, I am so sorry.”

“Okay, stop, explain to me what happened.” I said, heart pounding and scared to death. I knew it was very bad news.

“I put in too much pressure and the balloon broke. It caused another bleed and another stroke, most of the damage that we can tell is still on the right, a little on the left, and he is still alive. I’m so sorry.”

“You know, six minutes ago it became Eric’s 22^nd birthday.”

“Oh no, I’m so sorry.” The man was totally distraught.

“Okay, did you stop the bleed?”

“No, the bleed stopped on its own which is a good thing.”

“Okay. Stop.” His tears were making it harder for me. “Obviously you are very shaken and upset, but we can’t look backwards, we have to look forward. Just find a way to save my son.”

I had the gut feeling this was a student, resident, or someone new to the field. I was angry, but I knew in my heart this kid was totally shaken up and Eric had no other choice but to live out this guy’s mistake.

Eric remained on full code. The leading doctor said that he had been doing this for 15 or 16 years and had at least 1500 or 1600 of these cases. He said that Eric’s case had him perplexed and he was “nowhere near throwing in the towel.” This was on Sunday, May 18^th. He told me he ordered an MRI for Monday morning, because he needed a full staph that wasn’t there on the weekends, because of Eric’s serious condition.

Eric was now in a coma, both pupils blown, but I was told they can come back.

On Monday, I received a call from the resident asking permission for a tube to be changed. I granted that permission. I asked about the MRI. She told me it was cancelled because his ICP was too high and he wasn’t stable enough to lay flat for the test. She then assured me that the goal has not changed. The goal was to keep his body stable. She said: “Though I can’t give you one bit of optimism, we keep them stable because sometimes in these cases we see a totally different scenario in three months.”

Within the next 60 minutes I received a call from a neurologist. Without any test ran, no MRI, no CAT, he tells me we need to discuss comfort care.

Out of nowhere.

I told him every what every other doctor said. He told me I talk to too many doctors. I asked to speak to the department head; he told me the department head only does sports medicine. I told him I wanted our doctor that had him transferred to review the records, he told me there were only 7 people in Michigan that was trained well enough to know what he did and she wasn’t one of them. I told him no tests had been taken and his response was: “Are you are happy with your son breathing and hiccupping once in a while?” The guy was cold, callus, and insensitive, but he was also going against every word from every doctor.

I told him I am not ready to make that decision without some test to verify what he was saying to me. He told me he understood I was under emotional distress and he could take it to court to get guardianship to make decisions for me.

I was flabbergasted. Without test to back his words I felt the need for Henry Ford to hurry and euthanize their big mistake. But, anyone that knows me knows, that isn’t how I roll. I am not going to intimidate or crumble. My son, my job, period.

I met with him last Wednesday. He told me Eric will be a vegetable.  I had two questions in my mind. 1) Is he brain dead, and 2) can he be an organ donor?”

No, he isn’t brain dead and yes he can be an organ donor.

He told me that the pressures in Eric’s brain had gone up to 60 and they were waiting for the right side of his head to explode outward and break through the stitches. He expected this to happen before days end and then Eric would be brain dead. He told me there was no way that Eric’s brain would survive through-out the weekend.

Whenever I spoke he smiled or grinned and nodded in agreement with a smile.

I said: “Eric was doing really well, he was opening his eyes, his pressures were great, until you guys blew up the balloon in his head, then it was like you dumped a cup of water in a computer and you shorted everything out.”

Again, he smiled, nodded, and said, “Yes.”

I had to stay composed. He had Eric’s life in his hands.

We made an agreement to keep Eric on full code until Monday…yesterday.

I called and spoke to Eric’s nurse yesterday. They didn’t want a meeting until today. Her words were “ he has one reflex, breathing.”

Okay, again, in a coma, breathing above the vent, not brain dead as promised by the leading man in Michigan?

“You have to start thinking about comfort care.”

Now, I already know by someone that works in trauma at Henry Ford, that there are children waiting on Eric’s organs. Organ transplant brings in hundreds of thousands, while Eric only costs them money.

I asked her exactly what it was to do comfort care. I guess this was her way of talking about euthanizing nicely.

“Well, we take him off the vent and we administer morphine to lower his breathing. The more he tries to breathe, the more morphine we administer until he goes into cardiac arrest.”

“So you overdose him.”

Mary, the nurse, became upset at my terminology. I didn’t care.

“No, it’s dying with dignity.”

Dignity for whom? Eric was anti-drug, to him overdose till heart attack isn’t dignity.

But she assured me they would have the teams set in place to immediately remove his organs.

Today I meet with the doctors at three.

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Please help if you can...

Thank you,

Pam

 

 

I Love You, Eric

Dear Eric,

          Oh how I know this would embarrass you, but please understand that it’s all I have. I just learned there is no way, no matter what, that you can come back. Your heart is still beating, the same heart I once heard come to life on a fetal monitor before you were born. You are still breathing over the ventilator. Your body doesn’t want to quit and I know you don’t want to leave us because you are afraid and worried for all of us. Eric, this hurts like nothing ever before, I don’t even know how to let you go, but I do know that every twinge of pain, every tear that falls, is mine, and I don’t regret a single minute of being your mom.

          Eric, my fear is you are locked in your body, alone and afraid, trying to scream out to us, but deep inside I know you have said: “Kick rocks, I’m outta this Bitch, Peace.” It’s okay. I don’t want you to stay in a lifeless body. My God, I don’t want to lose you, and selfishly a part of me wants to keep you alive at all costs, but that isn’t what you ever wanted.

          You’re laughter, your silliness, your loyalty, and your love will live on forever through all of us. I know you know you were loved by every one of us and we know how deeply you loved everyone, be it one of us, or one of your friends. If you liked, you loved, if you loved, they were family, no matter what. You will never be forgotten or left behind, Eric, I promise.

          We never talked about death, why would we, you were so young, healthy, and full of life, there wasn’t a reason, so I’m wingin it, Eric. I don’t know what to do or how you would want it to be done. All I can do is follow my heart and believe I am making the right decisions for you.

          Oh my dear third born child, my second son, my only blue eyed boy, I can’t let you leave this world in vain. I can’t “put you to rest” because you aren’t old and withered from life. You are young and vibrant, a warrior, and because of that I can’t allow your perfectly healthy body to leave without saving the lives of others that have a chance to live long and healthy, through you. I hope you are down with that.

          I will never tell you goodbye. I can’t. I won’t. I don’t want to. I know you will always be with us, no matter what. I love you, Eric….I love you….and you know with everything in your soul…that if I could have done this one for you, I would have.

          I want you to know; that no matter what it takes, you will have a service of honor….and to those of you that know Eric….you’ll understand these words: You will not go out of this world as a bum. If I have to sell my car…I will…I promise.

          I love you, Eric….and thank you for giving me the honor of being your mom.

          Don’t be afraid….I love you…forever and always…Mom

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Debate This!

Writing politics forces me to find the facts on any given situation. Not a conservative or a liberal fact, but the fact, the only fact there is to the situation. Because there is so much bought propaganda, and politicians that push it, the facts aren’t always easy to find. Some believe their nightly Fox News, some MSMBC, some CNN, without realizing most aired media ignore many issues that are staring us in the face in America today. They talk on sided political selling points like gay rights, the Russian invasion, womens rights, all to incite the bases.

Talking with my dear friend Craig Degregorio about politics, though we stand on totally different sides of the fence, we agree on one thing, the lack of respect to our politicians. We voted for them, they won, like them or not. How dare any American post names like Obozo about the President of the United States? To loyal and patriotic true American’s, that’s a treasonous act.

Craig asked: “Don’t you want it to be back like it was when we were kids?”
T
hat question really provoked the thought leading to this writing. Yes, I want it to be back like it seemed to be back when we were kids, but that wasn’t real America either. I want America to raise the bar on itself. I want America to live up to its school taught and propagandized chest thumping.  We are far from it. We, as we stand, and maybe as we always have stood, are not what we claim to be. We are wolves in sheep’s clothing. The truth is only hidden from our people, globally, others are clearly aware, making our people look like idiots with heads stuck in the sands of denial.

My America is the America that can lend a hand to a country that may struggle with food or other needs. Not this massive power that causes problems in other countries to create a situation so we can pretend to rescue them. We need to see it for what it is; it is whitewashing clear capitalistic intent. It appears more obvious in today’s world, but it isn’t any new thing for America.

In my America I believe in freedom for all, not just the select few or the religious Christian. Freedom for all didn’t segregate or imprecate. Freedom wasn’t based on gender, age, creed, national origin, sex, or race, much less, and who would have ever even dreamed to add in, sexual orientation. Freedom to all American’s. That was the keyword. American’s.

In my America we have matured past the barbarism of physical war. Killing people would be as illegal, by now, for governments as it is for people. We are supposed to be civilized and killing the kids of underserving families just doesn’t make sense. It’s barbaric and something

America should be above and beyond.
In my America, nobody can rule with the bible. The bible and the spirituality that connects people to it is something done at home or with other worshippers at church. It isn’t for government. As an American, if I am punished by the laws of the land should I also be punished by the law of God, even if I don’t believe in that God? If I do believe in that God, am I now suffering from Double Indemnity? God doesn’t rule America, the bible doesn’t rule America, the people do. My constitution protects me from a state religion. My constitution protects me from you imposing your Christian beliefs and laws upon me. I am free from your Hellfire and brimstone because, I am an American. I am free to worship, or not, how and when and whom I choose, solely, because I am an American. Please quit taking that from me and please quit trying to impose your spiritual beliefs as laws upon me, I’m an ‘American, I’m allowed to make my own choice.

In my America, my politicians are honest men. They have honor and want the best for the people and the country as a whole. They don’t play upon a class system and don’t cast out those unlike themselves. They tell the people the truth, even if it may hurt him. He or she has honor, dignity, and enough self-respect to hold the highest office of our land, lying would be against their nature, deception, impossible.

In my America, a politician wouldn’t be allowed to slander a competing politician; mud-slinging would be beneath them. They would run upon their own personal honor, not on the tail of the incumbent’s shortcomings.

In my America, money in politics wouldn’t have any power, electoral votes would be voided and only the popular vote would count, and all people of age would be required to cast a vote. To limit voter suppression, voting would be done at home, sign in on your personal computer with your active social security number. Those without a computer could use local polling places. This would cut down on long lines and weather issues, identification issues, and all else that is used against a voter.

In my America, laws like the Patriot Act I, II, and the National Defense Authorization Act, which are laws that are all anti-freedom laws imposed on American’s robbing them of their constitutional rights, would be abolished.  NSA would also be abolished. Maybe if we stayed out of everybody’s business they wouldn’t feel the need to terrorize us. We aren’t despised globally without cause.

In my America, we wouldn’t have jobless or hungry. We wouldn’t have so many people working for low wages; we would have a solid and healthy base for our economy. We would create laws that wouldn’t allow our wealthy to continue the growing gap to larger than a third world country.

In my America, I want media to be honest, not bought and paid for. I want integrity in reporting. I don’t want to hear people on Fox News spewing garbage like people kill themselves from smoking pot. That’s ridiculous and insane.

In my America, I want justice equally for all. Politicians are people, not corporations.  But if Corporations are people hold them all accountable.

In my America, lobbyists are invisible and meaningless, because right is right, wrong is wrong, and the politicians know the difference. Red, White, and Blue are their favorite colors, not the green of greed.

In my America, our food is nurtured, not doctored to poison us. We would be protected, not infected from by our nutritional needs.

Does it matter if I’m a liberal, a conservative, right, left, black, white, gay, straight, if my toenails are painted, or not, isn’t this what you, as an American want to?

Now, I wish this is what we could be. This is the America I was taught in the public school system to believe we were. We aren’t. Everything about us has fallen into the danger zone, our education sucks, our freedom sucks, and the values of our politicians suck….let’s make us a decent America…It begans with educating yourself.

I want to be a part of a nation of pride, not shame. I’m tired of being embarrassed of being an American.

Till the next time,

Pam

Koch's are from God? No, They are Diabolical

It’s no secret that I detest the Koch brothers. I have written many times on the maliciousness of the billionaire brothers. On September 13, 2013, I wrote the way they were trying to change their image. This was in reference to the ten thousand dollar donation to the Detroit Zoo. Now, behind the evil smile is a hundred million dollar donation to a children’s hospital. People are crooning, almost drooling, as they sing the Koch praises. I want to hurl.

Facebook conservatives are singing Koch praises and if one dares to question their motives, George Soros is thrown up. The misunderstanding and mislead and thumping the Koch drum, falling into the hype. My stomach turns.

This isn’t about money in politics, this is about buying politics and pretending it is in the best interest of the people. Keystone pipeline, where the benefactors are the Koch’s and China, is flaunted into our faces as a good thing for America. A little research would uncover the truth, but people are lazy and they buy into American Thinker logics. It simply isn’t a fact.

The slams to The Affordable Care Act come from the Koch corner. They are the trainers of too many republican politicians. They are the backbone of the Tea Party, A.L.E.C., American’s for Prosperity, and numerous anti-climate change reports.  They are the nation’s worst polluters and this goes far beyond George Seros and other money in politics.

It’s never been a secret that both Rick Snyder and Scott Walker both live in the Koch pockets.

The Supreme Court, along with American greed has given all the billionaires, on both sides, the right to buy our government. The Koch brothers play the role of Joker in our undignified governmental Batman series. Where are the heroes? Where is the true “can’t be bought” American leaders? Where is the common man and his voice, the voice of our labor force, our voice on anything? It’s been silenced by underhanded bribes and lack of patriotism from corporate greed.

The Koch’s are the most horrific of the bunch. Their dumping, their pollutants, the formaldehyde they pump into the air against emission laws that they ignore, the Keystone Pipeline without care or concern of the land or the people in it, the whitewash of global warming, all contributes to their net income and to our demise.

For the love of God, people, wake the hell up, do your own research. Maybe then you will see that these billionaires are diabolical, not Michelle Bachman’s quoted: “sent from God.” She is confused, ignorant, or on their payroll.

Till the next time,

Pam

The Reds Are Coming Debacle

I knew something was up with the anti-Russian sentiment in America. Suddenly, Russia was being American media bashed. Articles were being published concerning Russia’s anti-gay sentiment as we are trying to make laws against anyone, especially the LGBT community. I knew something was coming. So, today, we are warning Russia’s leader, Vladimir Putin, not to involve himself in the Ukraine. The Internet is full of fears and support for the U.S., hyped up war with Russia.  Articles are screaming against Russia invading the Ukraine. Propaganda. American propaganda, pushing pens of unknowing authors who grasp a headline and run with it without the research it takes to alert the people. The writers should investigate before they etch their name on something. Newsflash guys, the Reds aren’t coming. Russia is no longer a communist country. They are as free, if not freer than we are. They do make laws, just like America, but unlike America they make laws to protect their people and their land. They have stepped up and banned Monsanto. How dare they speak out against poisoning the people, the land, and the water supply? Those damn Reds. Run, hide, and fight. We have to go to war. The Reds want to take over the world. Hurry kiddies; hide under your desk to protect yourselves from the nukes. Been there, done it. Like with any liar, they project onto someone else what they are guilty of themselves. Our nation is no different.

Freedom. That is the name of the group that overthrew the Ukraine government. Civil unrest there is not any different than we have here. Many far right Americans call for a revolution on a daily basis. All you have to do is read Facebook to see it. The far right is willing to bear arms and start a killin based more on religious control. Occupy the liberal’s movement, is more about nonviolent change and protecting guaranteed freedoms written in our United States Constitution. It seems one thing we all have in common, not just in America, is that we are tired of the position our governments have thrown us into. It’s forced even the 1^st Amendment, a much protected value of the American people, to hide behind closed doors as censure of information. This is ordered by our government via media and Internet. Occupy, and the masses of people who are tired of government regulations  of what appears to be New World Orderish, is the only thing global that has seemed to work so far. Should our government run in to reverse what the people of the Ukraine just fought and died for? Should American troops that are supposed to resemble the true meaning of freedom become involved in a country that just freed the people? Absolutely not. Isn’t for and by the people what the soldiers fight for? Yeah, I thought so.

I’m so sorry, American government, that it didn’t work out quite the way you intended it to. I’m so sorry that nominated Prime Minister Arseniy Yatsenyuk felt more comfortable to asking Russia for their protection in the Ukrainian issue, probably from the United States. Like many other countries, they don’t want us there. They obviously don’t want the E.U. there either.

Vladimir Putin didn’t make up weapons of mass destruction to invade a country. He was asked and he took it to his parliament. They voted it in fair and square. Deal with it.  

As Americans in basically the same position, shall we send our children and grandchildren to fight against the basic American principles just because our government doesn’t like it? I think its American principle versus American hypocrisy. Are Americans so selfish that they only believe American values when it pertains to other American’s? If so, that’s hypocrisy as well. Our wars are supposedly fought based on those freedoms. Shall we commence to fighting and killing? Isn’t that against our own principles?

My huge question to the American government is this: Iran, Afghanistan, N. Korea, Egypt, Syria, and now the Ukraine have all had involvement in the political affairs by our long and bullying noses being where they don’t belong. Why isn’t our own federal government protecting our own rights as well as they protect others? Why isn’t the country going to war against state governments that are raping the people of their American basic protected rights? Why aren’t you warning the tyrannical Governor Rick Snyder that is hitlerizing Michigan? Why aren’t you going after the American political demons to protect our own people? You have the authority; you signed it in with the National Defense Authorization Act. Why aren’t you protecting us?

The reason to me is clear. The bigger picture is also clear. I get it. America and its vendors are the problem.

So for all the fear of Russian led war, ask yourself this: How many countries has Russia involved itself in? How many countries does Russia have troops protecting? They rarely involve themselves. They are a quiet nation, and like the fiercest beings on earth, you can only poke a stick so many times.

No, the Red’s aren’t coming. They aren’t who we need to fear. For many, globally, the fear comes with the Red, White, and blue are coming. They don’t want us, trust us, or even like us. We are bullies, and like with any bully, people tire of the abuse and they join together to put the bully in its place. Putin isn’t afraid of America. He is doing what was asked of him without phony weapons to get his vote approved. That’s too American and it isn’t how he rolls.
I think Vlad is more like a lady I once knew that said: “Don’t start no shit, won’t be no shit.”

Agreed.
Till the next time,
Pam

Michigan Drivers: HELP ME HELP ALL

Michigan auto insurance has gotten out of hand. I have always shared ownership with my sons when they purchase a car so I can put the insurance in my name making it cheaper and affordable for them. My nineteen year old son recently bought a car. He tried to register it on his own. He is very self-sufficient. He was excited. He wanted to do it on his own. Then the call came. “Mom, can you put the insurance in your name?” Of course, I had done it for the others, it was his turn. I was in awe as to why. “Mom, they want $7,000 a year for no fault insurance. I’ve never even had a ticket.” I knew I could get it much cheaper, at least affordable. After all, my age, my driving record, low cost no fault, right? Boy was I surprised.

I called to get Austin an insurance policy. The first quote I received was $3,200 for six months. The absolute cheapest basic insurance I could find for Austin was through e-surance at almost $1,300 every six months. The next cheapest no fault I could find was at $3,610.00 a year. That was with, and I hate to admit this, an AARP discount (Which, of course, I would have to join before the discount could go into effect.)

Talking with many difference agents, I learned that Michigan has the highest insurance in the nation. It’s because of the Personal Injury Protection mandate in our required auto insurance. I learned that if you don’t have employer paid medical insurance, your auto insurance is higher. Health coverage, unless its employer paid, doesn’t cover auto injuries. So, by law, we have to carry two separate health insurance policies? It doesn’t make sense. To top of it all, there is the Michigan Catastrophic Claim Association PIP Premium. So below is the list of costs for the most basic no fault on a car that my son paid $800.00 for, a 1998 4-door Saturn under my name:

Bodily Injury Liability $20,000/$40,000 $324.00
Damage Liability $10,000 $9.00
Uninsured Motorists $20,000/$40,000 $10.00
Underinsured Motorists $20,000/$40,000 included
PERSONAL INJURY PROTECTION $3,078.00
PIP Catastrophic $189.00

TOTAL: $3,610.00

Without the Personal Injury Protection and Catastrophic insurance the cost would be a mere $343.00 a year. Payments of $28.59 per month is affordable. The people should be allowed to opt out of this high cost of insurance. Yes, Michigan says if you are hurt in an accident and out of work they will send you a check for the rest of your life, but nobody knows what that monthly payment will be. The catastrophic insurance will pay if you lose limbs. Why can't we take personal responsibility? This should be a choice, plain and simple.

I interviewed many insurance companies. One agent told me a twenty-eight year old woman moved from Michigan to Indiana. Her auto insurance plummeted $900.00 per six months to the reasonable $300.00 it should be. Another agent told me that they quit offering full coverage, because in Metro Detroit many policies exceed $10,000 per year and people just simply can’t afford it. Another agent explained a $200.00 policy, good for 1 week, just to obtain license plates, due to skyrocketing costs. All agents blame the state. They are suffering, too.

I began talking to people about this situation. A Lincoln Park small business owner almost hit the roof when he received his insurance renewal. Out of anger, he blamed his insurer and called another company. The agent came in and told him that everyone should expect a 25% increase in their insurance upon renewal due to…get this…”Obamacare.”

I talked to a young mother, 28, who just purchased a vehicle. There was no way she could afford $500.00 down and $500.00 a month for no fault insurance. The last time she registered a vehicle is was $130.00 down a little over a year ago. She had no choice but to opt for the $200.00, one week coverage.

A few said they would rather take the chance without insurance. The ticket cost is about $175.00. In Michigan, there is Drivers Responsibility through the Department of Treasury which demands payments of $200.00 for two consecutive years if you are guilty of driving without insurance. Sorry, but $575 in two years surly beats that same payment in a month. I still don’t understand driving isn’t a right, it’s a privilege. If that is so, how can the state mandate it? How does the Michigan Department of Treasury collect on a paid violation? By having a driver’s license we earn the privilege.

I say it’s time to put the brakes on imposing irrational costs by the State of Michigan. This is totally out of control and out of hand. While everyone else is falling into the smokescreen traps we can’t continue to allow ourselves to be sent to the poor house. Young people cannot bear this expense, especially when their parents carried them on insurance and they have never been insured on their own. This makes it impossible for many to follow the law and be law abiding when there is no way they can afford to drive legally. Have we become a state of people where driving is only a privilege for the elite few?

Uninsured motorists are referred to as dirty drivers. Filth is a much better word, not towards the drivers, but toward that state that mandates such ridiculous cost without the choice to opt out of their coverage. People are dirty because they can’t afford the insanity imposed, but people are filthywhen they impose such hardships on their people.

I am furious. I think it’s time that the people in Michigan stand up and take responsibility for what is being done here. I am willing to write the proposal if I know people will sign the petitions. There is only one way to change it and we all know where that begins.

Please contact me and let me know if I have your support in standing up against these absurd costs. I will try my hardest to make the change, but I need to know if I have support.

Till the next time,

Pam

Today, I Am Gay

Today, I am gay. Today, I choose to love Joanie, not Joey. Today, I desire the touch of another woman. Today, I long to the kiss the lipstick soft lips of my lover, while smelling my own perfume as I explore her nakedness. Today, I choose love over make believe, passion over sex, and courage over acceptance. Today, I will shout in every Cathedral, every Church of Christ, every Assembly of God, and every dwelling that claims to worship Jesus Christ that I love a member of the same sex. Today, I respect my predecessors who have suffered at the shame of family, degradation of society, and the immense condemnation of Christians who hide their hatred behind my God.

No longer will we, the Homosexual-American, commit suicide from the depression of non-acceptance, harassment, and hatred. No longer will we cower, hide in the proverbial closet, or feign heterosexual relationships to please others or to gain acceptance. No longer will we play don’t ask don’t tell within a military full of patriots, as I too, am a patriot. And today, I will not hide and I will openly show love to my partner. Today, I am free.

Today, as a Homosexual-American, a lesbian, or to some of you, a bull dike, I am going to tell some people exactly what I feel inside my carpet munching heart.

Representative Lynn Luker (R-Boise) proposed an anti-homosexual bill. This bill would allow doctors, lawyers, police personal, or any other licensed professional to deny services to anyone in the LGBT community if our way of life offends their religion. It bans pulling the license of those who discriminate against us, via their religious views. Considering many male Christians, and Christian leaders, (not only Catholic) has had indiscretions with young boys and girls, (which trumps our non-pedophile homosexuality) you should check yourselves, not exempt yourselves, in the same vein.

You are hypocrites. You are not followers of the Christ you claim to worship or you speak with a forked tongue. If God is the Creator, I was equally created. I am your sister, you are supposed to love me, not pass judgment on my sexual desires in the privacy of my personal life. As a homophobic, are you not hiding your real desires of homosexuality? Are you hiding deeper than in a closet, but in the locked deep cellar of your mind? Don’t you know the same God you claim to worship knows what’s in your heart? Will you be damned to eternal Hellfire alongside of me, my brother? Or will you burn deeper and at a higher temperature? I hate no one. I don’t discriminate or push my lifestyle onto you. Am I following the true word over your words that spread hate and injustice?

This excerpt is taken from the original article:

The Cornerstone Family Council is backing Luker’s proposal, which is now awaiting a full hearing, to prevent the state from passing laws to block people from “living out their faith.”

“The free expression of religious freedom is no longer understood for what it was intended,” said Julie Lynde, executive director of the conservative Christian group associated with Focus on the Family. “There’s a double standard against people of traditional religious faiths.”

As an American, I fully agree that every American has a given right to live out their personal faith, but that isn’t faith that imposes sanctions on others. It’s their personal faith, between themselves and their God.

Julie Lynde needs a history lesson if she believes that freedom of religion justifies condemnation of others as if Christians hold the septor to the gates of Heaven. The reason for the freedom of religion clause was based on everybody’s right to believe as they chose to believe. It was to keep people from imposing their religions on other sects or believers. It was written because of all the violence and death caused by the believers that killed anyone who believed in a different road to the same God. It was created so people would be free from religious persecution on all levels. It was also written well enough to allow all readers to know, without a doubt, that America was a nation of diverse religions and did not and never would, have a national religion. In this regard, Christianity fails. It was written outside of politics and it was well documented that religion had no place in government. The founding father's could foresee the insanity in fundmentalist beliefs.

Unfortunately, this bill passed through the State Affairs Committee with an 11-5 vote and now moves on to the House.

Just for today, I understand how far from American constitutional values we've grown.  I have learned, in just a day, what a travesty our nation is. We live in a state of the imaginary illusion of freedom. Just for today, I vow to vote against any republician, or anyone that represents any republican, that chooses to impose sanctions against the very crux of America, Freedom.

Just for today…

Is Snyder Resurrecting Slavery In Detroit?

I am rarely disappointed by the audacity of Michigan Governor, Rick Snyder, and today is no different.  Rick, during a time of national immigration issues, appeals to the federal government. His desire is to bring 50,000 highly skilled immigrants from India and other countries. His goal is to populate the bankrupt city of Detroit. His plan calls for 5000 the first year, 10,000 for the next three years, and 15,000 the fifth and final year. He wants their freedom restricted at the beginning, forcing them, by the conditions of their visas, to work and live within Detroit city limits. Is Snyder’s goal so different than the L. Brooks Patterson comment about fencing in the Indians, or was L. Brooks talking about the Snyder intent? Was it a radical slip, with intension, or a clear insight as to what was about to happen? The biggest question in my mind is this; is this so different than herding the African slaves? Isn’t it the same concept with a different agenda? I find it even more interesting that none of this was broadcast in local media. I had to search to find a credible source, which I did find in Reuters. Imagine that.

Considering these visas are only supposed to be granted to the highly skilled people of other nations, are they prepared to move to a severely poverty stricken area with high crime and low education standards? Highly skilled workers will not want to live and work in an urban area that has been left to decay by the politicians that, term after term, promise to fix.

Snyder is comparing this adventure to the visas granted to physicians invited to come to service our high poverty areas.  We outsource our medical care for the under served in the form of American visas? Amazingly pathetic.

Now, to further the burden of the American taxpayers, the highly skilled workers will be granted these visas without the promise of employment. Where are these high skilled automotive, information technologists, healthcare, and life sciences educated people, going to work? Considering many won’t be able to speak our language, and if they can it’s poorly articulated, that doesn’t make for top notch employment, unless, they are going to be hired by capitalists that will rape them of their knowledge for a penance of what they are worth. Again, we’re back to the slaves that should be grateful to be here and to have a job, but if that fails, we’ll throw them a hundred dollars a month (after the cuts to the SNAP program that was passed with the new farm bill) for food and try to starve them back to their homeland.

Once again, I’m ashamed to be an American. We let our urban areas fall to the ground. Every politician played up the waterfront property and danced to the corporate swish of green paper being thrown at them. They ignored the neighborhoods, blamed the people, then not only accepted, but expected the urbanites to live in poverty.  No Mayor or Governor made drastic moves to clear the abandoned homes or the garbage ridden lots used for cover to drug deals, rapes, and murders. Once the private sector was secure, through planned and elaborate bankruptcy schemes, the property is leased to high bidders who will make personal profit. Now, they need to ship in the slaves. Will they promise them riches while they lock their freedom into the city limits of the most dangerous American city in the United States, without a choice?

As Rick said: "Where else in the U.S. could you find a house or a lot for the prices you're going to find here? It's a good deal….”

If it’s such a good deal, Mr. Snyder, why don’t you, Dave, and Chuck get together and purchase a neighborhood or two. Why don’t you reconstruct the filth into a desirable area, and then sell it back to the out of work skilled tradesmen in America at an affordable rate?  

Better yet, why don’t you move your family to a downtown Detroit neighborhood, educate them in the Detroit Public School system, after all, it should be good enough since you appointed Kevin Orr as an Emergency Financial Manager, right? Let your children and grandchildren, nieces and nephews play in the yard and walk the streets like normal children, and every night tell yourself how lucky you are to be there, even  better still, do it on minimum wage, without health insurance, and on Food Stamps. Put your money and your pseudo intelligence where your mouth is, and live first as you intend to cast someone else into living…after all, your words: It’s a good deal.

I would vote for a homeless, begging, addicted, street person before I would ever cast a vote for you, Rick. You are as bankrupt morally as Detroit is financially.

Till the next time, Pam

AMERICA WAS NOT FOUNDED ON CHRISTIANITY

 

Susanne Atamus, a Chicago congressional runner, opened her mouth and let the condemnation of God effervesce as if she had the power to point fingers in judgment. Her words condemned the gay community and those who have had abortions. Her claim: Tornados, autism, and dementia are punishment from The Almighty for the gay rights movement and abortions. She continued: "God is angry. We are provoking him with abortions and same-sex marriage and civil unions. Same-sex activity is going to increase AIDS. If it's in our military it will weaken our military. We need to respect God." Discussing this issue with three different friends, I was shocked by their defense of the Atamus claims. The three call themselves Independents, but always vote Republican.  I tried to explain the separation of church and state was in place to prevent anyone from using the dogma of their personal religion to persecute another by creating laws secular to suit their personal beliefs. I heard responses that told me differently, one said she hated Muslims, because they killed people for being Christian. She also stated that in today’s world, Christians were the ones being killed and persecuted. All three, at the end of the conversation, said: “This country was founded on Christianity!”

This is not true. Let’s do some history.

America, unlike the Muslim countries, does not have a national religion. The sister country to the United States, England, killed, maimed, and slaughtered those who refused to follow the changing dogmas.

In 1604, King James VI ordered the Geneva bible, which he despised, to be retranslated. This bible was to follow original text, but to omit anything he thought would create a revolutionary thought. The translation mandate was clear and detailed by the King.  He demanded this new translation to reinforce a clear-cut royal political agenda, to be done by elite scholarly committees, reviewed by a self-serving bureaucracy, with ultimate approval reserved to an absolutist monarch. Hence, the birth of the King James Version of God’s words and the record of Jesus Christ was created.  

Globally there were others fleeing their countries in the name of God, for fear of persecution by their leaders. The French pilgrims fled France in the name of religious freedom.  In 1564, the French established a Huguenot (Protestant) colony at Fort Caroline, (near Jacksonville, Florida.)

In 1565, Commander Pedro Menendez de Avile, who had established a base at St. Augustine, slaughtered the French colony. In a letter to Spanish King Philip II he said he: “…hanged all those we had found in Fort Caroline because they were scattering the odious Lutheran doctrine in these Provinces.”  Soon after, a shipwrecked French fleet washed up on the beaches of Florida and they, too, were slain by de Avile. This time they were killed by sword. They died next to a river the Spanish called Matanzas (“slaughters.”)  

The Lutheran French, fleeing religious persecution, were slaughtered because they didn’t share a specific dogma with the Catholic de Avile. This was the first religious war on American soil.

In 1620, the Mayflower landed.  There were 102 passengers. Not all were Pilgrims/Separatists, some were Anglicans, some were Puritans, and some didn’t have any religious affiliation at all. The Separatists were fleeing religious persecution. They were escaping the Church of England, the national religion of England. Most Separatists carried their Geneva bible, while other’s carried their King James Version. Before long, even though seeking religious freedom in a new land, there was fighting, stealing, and bloodshed. Again, this violence was due to unshared dogmas of religion. They even viewed the Indians, who helped them learn survival techniques, as heathens.

Because of the global, religion based, empowerment and persecution, the Enlightenment was born. The world’s scientists and teachers questioned the dogma of religion. Through scientific analysis they highly doubted many religious laws. When Galileo discovered the earth moved around a still sun, his findings were outlawed and hidden. The bible says differently, it says the earth is stationary and the sun moves around the earth. Science, though needed to develop, was seen as anti-God. Soon the group of the intelligent scholars, after seeing religion creating violence on many levels, created the Enlightenment. These were highly intelligent individuals that wanted to move past the dogma of religion so, as in the word of Jesus, people could live together and form a free society in the new land of America.

This is where the founding fathers kick into play. They had lived the immigration in flee of religious persecution and they watched each group persecute each other solely based on the differences of religion. It is because of the actions of the Anglicans, the Separatists, and the Puritans that it soon became obvious that America could have no national religion. It was imperative to the founding fathers that America had to be protected from all they have watched evolve in the name of God. The only way to do this was to grant those the freedom to choose their personal beliefs, no matter what their choice.

Many of the founding fathers were from the Enlightenment. They believed God created the earth and its people, then left. They didn’t believe God loomed over our lives and watched every wrong we did. They believed good works was superior to paying penance to an unseen God, calling it a fallacy, at times.

Below are Quotes from some of the most famous founders of the Constitution and the Bill of Rights.

John Adams in a letter to John Taylor: “The priesthood has, in all ancient nations, nearly monopolized learning.  And ever since the Reformation, when or where has existed a Protestant or dissenting sect who would tolerate A FREE INQUIRY?  The blackest billingsgate, the most ungentlemanly insolence, the most yahooish brutality, is patiently endured, countenanced, propagated, and applauded.  But touch a solemn truth in collision with a dogma of a sect, though capable of the clearest proof, and you will find you have disturbed a nest, and the hornets will swarm about your eyes and hand, and fly into your face and eyes."

Thomas Jefferson:

"They [preachers] dread the advance of science as witches do the approach of daylight and scowl on the fatal harbinger announcing the subversions of the duperies on which they live."

"I have recently been examining all the known superstitions of the world, and do not find in our particular superstition (Christianity) one redeeming feature.  They are all alike founded on fables and mythology."

"We discover in the gospels a groundwork of vulgar ignorance, of things impossible, of superstition, fanaticism and fabrication."

"No man shall be compelled to frequent or support any religious worship, place, or ministry whatsoever."     

George Washington in a letter to Edward Newenham, 1792:

"Religious controversies are always productive of more acrimony and irreconcilable hatreds than those which spring from any other cause.  Of all the animosities which have existed among mankind, those which are caused by the difference of sentiments in religion appear to be the most inveterate and distressing, and ought most to be depreciated.  I was in hopes that the enlightened and liberal policy, which has marked the present age, would at least have reconciled Christians of every denomination so far that we should never again see the religious disputes carried to such a pitch as to endanger the peace of society."

Benjamin Franklin:

". . . Some books against Deism fell into my hands. . . It happened that they wrought an effect on my quite contrary to what was intended by them; for the arguments of the Deists, which were quoted to be refuted, appeared to me much stronger than the refutations; in short, I soon became a thorough Deist."

Thomas Paine:

"Take away from Genesis the belief that Moses was the author, on which only the strange belief that it is the word of God has stood, and there remains nothing of Genesis but an anonymous book of stories, fables, and traditionary or invented absurdities, or of downright lies."

James Madison:

"Experience witnesseth that ecclesiastical establishments, instead of maintaining the purity and efficacy of religion, have had a contrary operation.  During almost fifteen centuries has the legal establishment of Christianity been on trial.  What have been its fruits?  More or less, in all places, pride and indolence in the clergy; ignorance and servility in the laity; in both, superstition, bigotry and persecution."    - Ibid, 1785

Those were statements for the founders. Where is the dependence on Christianity of the nation?

The 1796 Treaty with Tripoli states that the United States was "not in any sense founded on the Christian religion.” This treaty was written under the presidency of George Washington and signed under the presidency of John Adams. 

This was not a treaty signed to trick the Muslims or lead them falsely. These two particular founding fathers knew that Christianity didn’t play any role in the founding of the United States of America. After all, they were founding fathers.

The Pledge of Allegiance, which was first published in 1892 in The Youths Companion, didn’t contain the words “under God.” It wasn’t until Eisenhower, in 1954, that the words were added, against the will of Francis Bellamy’s, the author’s daughter’s wishes. Again, the American Government was out of line by changing the words, and the meaning, of another’s works, to benefit his anti-communist fears.

“In God we trust” didn’t appear until Congress passed it on April 23, 1863, almost 100 years after the signing of the Constitution. It was first suggested by a minister to the Secretary of State. His stance was he wanted protection from God during the fears of the civil war. The first time it was printed was on a two cent coin.

The 84th Congress passed a joint resolution making the motto “In God We Trust” the national motto. President Eisenhower signed it into law on July 30, 1956. It was added to paper money over a period from 1957 to 1966, however, because constitutionally there is not a national religion this should have never been signed, by Congress or by President Eisenhower, but the looming fear of Communism was in full swing and God was manipulated to the people. In a communist world there is no room for Christianity.

In America, our founders found it necessary, due to the fierce, violent, and persecuting demeanors of those that label themselves the followers of God, the Christians, that the protections were written.  Freedom of Religion was written to protect our country from the affliction of heathenistic judgment by those who feel they hold the challis. How dare any American, much less one that is running for a political office, use God and speak on the punishments God is bestowing upon people.

Christians, with their long history, have verbally and physically slayed, beheaded, hanged, or condemned those that don’t believe as they do. They pull out their King James Version, which was censored by King James himself, to cast stones.  A real believer in Christ could not comment or judge the life of a homosexual, nor could they comment or judge those that have abortions. Frankly, it isn’t any of your business. Shouldn’t you be focused on loving your neighbor instead of looking for political stones to throw at people that don’t concern you? You can’t believe only part of what you say. How can you worship Jesus, but use Leviticus to propagate hatred towards others?  Leviticus is outdated by the blood of Jesus. If you choose to resurrect the Old Testament, you better start leading your children to the gates and start throwing the stones until death, because that was what we were supposed to do with children talked back.  Jesus didn’t speak on any sexual issues. You can’t live in the forgiveness of the blood of Jesus and shout out to the world “Jesus is my Lord and Savior” if you are going to desecrate his meaning by going back to Leviticus to support your hatred and judgment toward what you either don’t like, or don’t understand. I think when the hands of eternal justice come; it will swipe away Susanne Atanus and all of those that think they have to right to pass judgment. That’s Gods place, not ours. Quit persecuting, and if you feel you have to, do it in front of a mirror, that’s where it will do the most good.

Till the next time.

Pam