Oh how I know this would embarrass you, but please understand that it’s all I have. I just learned there is no way, no matter what, that you can come back. Your heart is still beating, the same heart I once heard come to life on a fetal monitor before you were born. You are still breathing over the ventilator. Your body doesn’t want to quit and I know you don’t want to leave us because you are afraid and worried for all of us. Eric, this hurts like nothing ever before, I don’t even know how to let you go, but I do know that every twinge of pain, every tear that falls, is mine, and I don’t regret a single minute of being your mom.
Eric, my fear is you are locked in your body, alone and afraid, trying to scream out to us, but deep inside I know you have said: “Kick rocks, I’m outta this Bitch, Peace.” It’s okay. I don’t want you to stay in a lifeless body. My God, I don’t want to lose you, and selfishly a part of me wants to keep you alive at all costs, but that isn’t what you ever wanted.
Oh my dear third born child, my second son, my only blue eyed boy, I can’t let you leave this world in vain. I can’t “put you to rest” because you aren’t old and withered from life. You are young and vibrant, a warrior, and because of that I can’t allow your perfectly healthy body to leave without saving the lives of others that have a chance to live long and healthy, through you. I hope you are down with that.
I will never tell you goodbye. I can’t. I won’t. I don’t want to. I know you will always be with us, no matter what. I love you, Eric….I love you….and you know with everything in your soul…that if I could have done this one for you, I would have.
I want you to know; that no matter what it takes, you will have a service of honor….and to those of you that know Eric….you’ll understand these words: You will not go out of this world as a bum. If I have to sell my car…I will…I promise.
I love you, Eric….and thank you for giving me the honor of being your mom.
Don’t be afraid….I love you…forever and always…Mom